8/12/2023 2 Comments Confidence/Friends/Charlie SheenI’m sure Charlie Sheen was describing his public meltdown in 2011 as a “victory lap” of some sort. You remember it, right? It involved a batch of interviews that included lots of erratic descriptions of tiger-blood, partying, cocaine, and “winning” (winning what exactly is still to be determined… life in general, I suppose). He insisted that he was completely sober after a recent hospitalization, and now his uniquely powerful alpha brain was on fire with a passion for life and victory and so on. Nobody was buying it.
This moment in pop-culture history was cemented into my generation’s memory particularly because many online content creators at the time were editing movie clips and celebrity interviews into insanely catchy electro-pop songs and posting the results to YouTube. Specifically, Charlie Sheen’s “Winning” interviews were remixed into a club-worthy earworm of nonsense that still gets stuck in my head to this day. In fact, just a few weeks ago I woke up every morning with the song on loop in my head despite having not heard it for years. If none of this means anything to you, that’s probably a good thing. I can’t recommend trying to go back and discover any of it now because, beyond fulfilling some natural morbid curiosity, there is nothing of value behind watching another human in a self-destructive state. If you take anything from this, just allow it to set the stage: A few weeks ago, I, in my tendency toward pessimism and over-thinking, was feeling lost in a cycle of life that was being narrated by a movie star who was improvising the worst motivational speech that you had ever heard. The question that was in my head and at the heart of all this nonsense was this: Why is confidence so often reserved for those who either don’t deserve or will misuse it? Katie and I have been wanting to move for a while. Katie moved up to Alaska from Idaho as a teenager, and though she has discovered a life up here that she loves, she’s always wanted to return to the northwest. As more and more family move into that area, the decision to move became even more clear. As for me, I spent the first two(ish) years of my life in Hawaii. I have no recollection of living there. My parents, sister, and I moved to Alaska before my memories start, and I consider myself a lifelong Alaskan because of it. There’s a restlessness in this spot of my life. Alaska is wonderful, but I want another experience besides the Alaskan one. Katie and I are not unhappy in Alaska at all. Saying that would seriously undermine the things that we love about our lives here, especially the people that have permanent placemats set in our hearts. We aren’t shedding everything about Alaska with reckless abandon… we absolutely feel conflict about leaving. “Best friends” often change throughout our lives, but there are a small handful of people who never lose that status, and my heart sinks when I think about putting thousands of miles between myself and some of the best friends that I will ever have. Katie would say the same thing. Still, the pull down to Idaho remains. The problem? Neither of us are particularly confident when it comes to pursuing big life choices, especially when the status quo is comfortable. So then, I ask again: Why is confidence so often reserved for those who either don’t deserve it or will misuse it? Katie and I are responsible with money, we’ve made pretty good life choices, and I can say with 99% certainty that neither of us have robbed any banks. The black duffel bags full of money that Katie has been stashing under the stairs are just a part of the décor, right? So, where is all this confidence that these good choices ought to have earned us by now? But confidence isn’t an item, is it? It’s not a punch card that fills up after a specific amount of good choices. Ten good life decisions? Great, now you can feel good about buying a new house! There’s also no marketplace of confidence where buyers and sellers are competing, and the Charlie Sheens of the world are making out like bandits with truckloads of it, while the Jons and Katies of the world are scraping their sporks at a rusty can of confidence just trying to get enough nutrition to survive the night. Confidence is within everyone’s reach, but it involves some growing pains as we force ourselves to do things that we need or want to do but aren’t confident about doing. So that’s what we’re doing. The fear? It’s there. The doubt? Big time. Confidence? Sometimes, but not quite. This is a step in both of our lives toward being more confident though. If it works, we can look back on the experience and say, “Remember that one time we moved, and it worked out well?” If it doesn’t work, we can look back and say, “Remember that one time we tried to move to Idaho and learned a lot about the moving process?” Why move? Because we’ve always wanted to be in the northwest with family. Why move now? Because, for some reason, now is when we’ve been granted the courage to pursue it, despite the fear. And as we pursue it, we find new areas to be confident about – slowly, but surely. Confidence is not reserved for those who don’t deserve it or will misuse it. It’s there for everyone. It might be really, really, really hard for some of us to find naturally, but it’s a muscle that can be built.
2 Comments
Melissa Alger
8/13/2023 02:10:23 pm
I am so excited for this new courageous journey that God is taking you on! Know that we will be praying for you and Katie as you start this process. Please know HOW MUCH you will be missed but never forgotten! Let me know how we can help!
Reply
Jon Schulz
8/13/2023 09:53:59 pm
Thank you! We appreciate you, and we will miss you so much!
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Jon SchulzArchivesCategories |